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(Classified) Bill Defends Against Flesh-Eating (Classified) (Classified) Bill Defends Against Flesh-Eating (Classified)
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 106 seconds

Rep. John Haller (R-PA) introduces a bill that will allocate (classified) dollars over the next (classified) years to fight flesh-eating (classified).
More coverage at: http://www.onion.com

Related: news, politics

The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \ The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 182 seconds

Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.

Related: badass, capital, comedy, court, death, fake, funny, justice, law, news, penalty, punishment, satire, supreme

The Onion: 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams The Onion: 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 178 seconds

Two prospective Eagle Scouts explain how they are preventing breast cancer by helping women examine their breasts.

Related: boy, breasts, children, comedy, funny, onion, scouts, teens, women

The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 180 seconds

Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.

Related: barack, comedy, election, fake, funny, john, mccain, news, obama, politics, satire, voting

The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls.

Related: brothers, comedy, cyrus, disney, funny, hannah, jonas, miley, montana, onion, teens

The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 164 seconds

Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com

Related: 2008, election, machines, onion, the, voting

YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A \ YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 152 seconds

YouTube is offering a cash prize to the first user to upload a video with a shred of originality or artistic merit.

Related: comedy, contest, fake, funny, news, onion, satire, youtube

Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 195 seconds

Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.

Related: barack, comedy, election, fake, florida, funny, john, machine, mccain, news, obama, onion, palin, sarah, satire, voting

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Talk With Mike Greenman Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Talk With Mike Greenman
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 225 seconds

At a press conference today, the AGU announced it will not even acknowledge Mike Greenman until he begins dressing better and loses some weight.

Related: comedy, dating, fake, funny, news, onion, relationships, satire, teens, women

Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 179 seconds

World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.
More coverage at: http://onion.com

Related: comedy, everquest, fake, funny, games, life, news, of, onion, online, pc, satire, second, warcraft, world

In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized? In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized?
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 198 seconds

Panelists discuss whether Halloween candy and costumes have distracted us from placating demons to ensure a bountiful harvest.

Related: comedy, fake, funny, halloween, news, onion, satire

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Presidency Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Presidency
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 178 seconds

President Bush will seek to comfort victims of his presidency as they try to make sense of the destruction he has caused.

Related: administration, bush, cheney, comedy, fake, funny, george, katrina, news, onion, satire

The Onion: \ The Onion: '9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 167 seconds

An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.
More coverage at: http://onion.com

Related: 911, al, bush, center, cheney, comedy, conspiracy, fake, news, onion, qaeda, satire, theory, trade, world

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 145 seconds

For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com

Related: barack, clinton, election, hillary, john, mccain, obama, politics, president, voting

Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 168 seconds

The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any meaning has caused many supporters to wander aimlessly, unsure of what to do with themselves.

Related: barack, comedy, election, funny, obama, onion, president, satire

Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\ Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain's Base
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 186 seconds

Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.

Related: 2008, barack, comedy, election, funny, john, mccain, obama, onion, palin, sarah, satire

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole? Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 125 seconds

With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in the desert.

Related: bailout, business, comedy, fake, funny, money, news, onion, paulson, recession, satire

Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.

Related: brady, comedy, football, funny, giants, jacksonville, jaguars, manning, onion, satire, superbowl, tom

The Onion: Sources Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013 The Onion: Sources Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 148 seconds

Unless Americans turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the 'Hannah Montana' star will soon be completely tapped out.

Related: all, comedy, cyrus, fake, funny, hannah, miley, montana, news, official, onion, over, parody, satire, start, video

The Onion: McCain Left On Campaign Bus Overnight The Onion: McCain Left On Campaign Bus Overnight
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 159 seconds

Campaign officials downplayed the incident, saying the senator was fine as soon as he was fed and taken to the bathroom.

Related: barack, comedy, fake, funny, john, mccain, news, obama, onion, palin, sarah, satire

The Onion: Gunman Kills 15 Potential Swing Voters The Onion: Gunman Kills 15 Potential Swing Voters
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 187 seconds

The Obama campaign is cautiously optimistic after initial reports indicated that most of the people killed were registered Republicans.

Related: barack, candidates, comedy, election, fake, john, mccain, news, obama, onion, president, satire

The Onion: Are We Giving Robots Too Much Power? The Onion: Are We Giving Robots Too Much Power?
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 130 seconds

Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives.
More coverage at: http://onion.com

Related: 1984, government, onion, power, robots, technology

The Onion: Meteorologists Predict Worst Autumn Ever The Onion: Meteorologists Predict Worst Autumn Ever
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 132 seconds

Experts advise that anyone venturing outdoors should be on the lookout for extremely crunchy leaves and winds as high as 12 mph.

Related: comedy, disasters, fake, hurricane, natural, news, onion, satire, tornadao, weather

Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 142 seconds

Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs.

Related: barack, comedy, election, fake, funny, john, mccain, news, obama, onion, politics, satire

The Onion: Gifted Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad The Onion: Gifted Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 164 seconds

In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a precocious 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies.

Related: 2008, ad, attack, barack, comedy, election, funny, john, mccain, obama, onion, politics